The 60th Eurovision Song Contest is but a month away. Regular readers of Sonic Breakfast will know that Eurovision is a guilty pleasure of mine. 

In fact, I’d even go so far to say that I no longer feel guilty about confessing my love for this wonderful, annual event. This year is going to be a bit of a special one for I’m going to be travelling to Vienna. Tickets for the main event are priced ridiculously but I do have my grubby mitts on a ticket for the Friday night dress rehearsal. Excited? Just a tad. 

 I’ve been listening to the 40 songs that have entered into the competition. Like horses in the Grand National, some will fall at the first hurdle whilst others will still be in contention as the final votes from the Azerbaijan massive descend. As per last year, here are my pithy, mostly rude comments about each entry.. Ten a day for the next four days with my two favourites also getting a video link.

 First up is:-

 ALBANIA Elhaida Dani – I’m Alive 

Female vocalist, Elhaidi from Albania does the best to convince all that she’s alive. She sings  ‘you shattered my dreams’ and it sounds just like ‘you shat on my dreams’. It’s deliberate right?

 

ARMENIA Genealogy – Face The Shadow

 Genealogy appear to be straight out of an Andrew Lloyd-Webber chorus line. It’s epic and will give you shit dreams.

 

AUSTRIA The Makemakes – I Am Yours

 Last years winners do their best to ensure that we won’t be heading back to Vienna next year. I jest, I’m pretty sure that there’s no bearded lady here though the Makemakes man does go falsetto at one point. He sounds anguished and in pain. Such expectation on their heads. An outside chance. 

 

 AUSTRALIA Guy Sebastian – Tonight Again

 Australia in the Eurovision? Despite the geographical nonsense, they show complete ignorance of the rules by putting in an effort that’s not half bad. I sense this’ll be one ‘tough act to follow’ when we’re singing along in the auditorium to this. 

 

AZERBAIJAN Elnur Huseynov – Hour Of The Wolf

 Elnur tells us that ‘he won’t sleep tonight’. Everyone else will Elnur. You’ve entered a pile of pompous pap that’ll send us all soporific. Take some drugs and discover disco would be my advice to you.

 

BELGIUM Loïc Nottet – Rhythm Inside

 I have a sympathy for Belgium. They always seem to submit inventive and catchy entries to Eurovision (last year’s love song to his Mum by Axel being an exception) but rarely seem to progress beyond the semi finals. This is a fine pop tune, a bit like that hit by New Zealander Lorde (not to be confused with legendary Finnish winner of the Eurovision Lordi).

 

 

BELARUS Uzari – Time

 Uzari tells us that ‘time is like thunder’. Quite an assertion that he fails to back up in the subsequent lyric. Let’s move away from this quicker than lightning.. (See what I did there?)

 

SWITZERLAND Mélanie René – Time To Shine

 Another song about ‘time’ but this one is better than Belarus’s. Admittedly, this is damning with faint praise. I bet Switzerland are dead envious that this is being hosted in Austria. This is alright until a distinctly dated guitar solo comes to prominence. I doubt Melanie’s smile will be shining in Vienna. 

 

CYPRUS John Karayiannis – One Thing I Should Have Done

 Exactly the sort of song that’s perfect for Eurovision. John is hurting and his life is in tatters. This is a song about a broken relationship. It was going so, so well but there was ‘one thing that John should have done’… John leaves us in suspense.. What was it you should have done John? And then we get it in the final couplet; “In your hour of need, I should have come”… Thanks John.. Too much information for a family show I feel. 

 

CZECH REPUBLIC Marta Jandová & Václav Noid Bárta – Hope Never Dies

 Unfortunately for Marta and Vaclav, their hope was clinically dead in the opening piano tinklings of this pot boiler ballad. Like a few others in this initial ten, it sounds a bit like a James Bond wannabee theme tune. I wonder why? What won last year again?

 

 More tomorrow – a hard video choice for today but I’ll plump for Australia and Cyprus..