You know what? I think Eurovision was better when countries sang in their own language. We might not have had a clue what was being sung about but you could let your imagination run wild. 

“Perhaps this one is about time being like thunder”, said no one ever. “Perhaps this one is about the sexual fetishes of a gentleman who ordinarily has an unhealthy obsession with model railways,” we all imagined . Didn’t we? Have I over-shared again? Oh bollocks. 

Better get on with my review of songs 11 to 20 in this years Viennese  whirl. 

 

GERMANY Ann Sophie – Black Smoke

 Another break up song. Ann Sophie sounds a little bit like a Paloma Faith tribute act. One of the better German entries of recent years but still a pretty uncomfortable listen if I’m honest.

 

DENMARK Anti Social Media – The Way You Are

 In summary, Summery pop from Denmark, this could be a song rejected by One Direction. My guess is that it’s very popular on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Anti Social Media – pah, pandering to the lowest common denominator more like.

 

ESTONIA Elina Born & Stig Rästa – Goodbye To Yesterday

My favourite so far. Remember a Britpop band called Rialto? This should have been recorded by them. A moody 60’s influenced mod-soul classic. Last year, I fell in love with Estonia’s neighbours, Latvia and supported their folky cake baking all the way to semi final failure. Let’s hope Elina and Stig fare better. 

 

 SPAIN Edurne – Amanecer

First in a language that’s not English (of sorts). I like Spain and want to like this. I’m afraid It’s nothing more than an annoying wail though. This might mean Edurne stands a chance of victory.

 

FINLAND Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät – Aina Mun Pitää

 A true oddity here. It’s only one and a half minutes long for starters. It’s punky and harks back to the noise made by previous Finnish winner, Lorde. It seems devoid of chorus and verse but might just do well. This isn’t simply a song contest any more after all. Some would debate that it ever was.

 

 FRANCE Lisa Angell – N’oubliez Pas

Songs not in English are like buses. You wait ages for one to arrive and then…. Instantly forgettable French ballad from this cherub. Don’t understand a word of it.

 

UNITED KINGDOM Electro Velvet – Still In Love With You

 When it was announced that the United Kingdom was being represented by this dose of electro-swing, the world of social media went crazy. How could we debase the contest with such nonsense? Personally (and I realise this is a controversial opinion), I think this entry is our best since Scooch were flying the flag. Hopefully, this’ll do better than that unmitigated crash landing. 

 

GEORGIA Nina Sublatti – Warrior 

There are two songs with the title ‘Warrior’ in this years competition. Unfortunately for Nina, she struggles to pronounce the word. Instead, she’s more of a ‘worrier’ in this tune. I can understand why she’s worried having now had the misfortune to listen to this soft rock twice. 

 

GREECE Maria-Elena Kyriakou – One Last Breath

It’s another song that wants to be a James Bond theme tune. Maria-Elena would appear to be a fantasist. I can think of better things to be doing if you genuinely do have ‘one last breath’ than warbling a la Mariah. File under Greek Austerity.

 

HUNGARY Boggie – Wars For Nothing

If this had been sung in Hungarian, I could have amused myself by imagining that Boggie was singing about making love with a man who groomed donkeys by day and cooked kebabs by night. But, it’s sung in English (just) and I sense it’s an earnest consideration about the pointlessness of war. Twelve points guaranteed from Russia then. 

 

And, with that we’re half way there. I’m going to break with tradition and feature two and a half videos today.. My favourites so far Estonia, the odd submission from Finland and, being patridiotic for a moment, the wafflingly brilliant entry from the UK.